Dear Mom

I've been wanting to write this letter for some time now and of course have never gotten around to it until now.



First of all, I just want to tell you that I'm sorry. When I think back to all of my years growing up, there are so many instances that I know I caused you heartache, worry, STRESS, disappointment, or all at the same time. I know that we both know that kids aren't perfect but until I became a mother, all of those times still seemed to me as the fault of someone else or you being too hard/strict on me. Now, knowing the intense love that I have for Megan, I am able to see that everything you did raising me was with all of the love and best intention that you had. You loved me so much, you were just trying to protect me or just ensure that I turned out to be the best I could be. And mom, even though there were some pretty rocky times, I think I turned out pretty okay and that has everything to do with you.



I guess now that I've become a mother, everything has come into perspective. Now I know how hard it really is, how tired you really get and how absolutely worthwhile it is. I remember times growing up where you just wanted to get away and spend some time alone. It didn't happen very often but of course back then, all I could think about was myself and thought that you just didn't want to be with us. of course, now I know that wasn't it at all. Now I understand what a hard job you had and in order to be an even better mom, you needed some time to take care of you.



The biggest thing that I've realized is that you love me and all of your kids more than any of us could even know and all of your decisions in raising us stemmed from that - even when I thought you were being mean or unfair. I'm so sorry I didn't see it that way back then. I would take so many things back if I could. I know I said things and did things that had to have broken your heart but you never gave up on me. So while I was feeling selfish about how bad I had it, I had no idea how lucky I was to have a mom that loved me so much that she held me accountable and taught me to be the person and mom that I am today.



I can honestly say that I learned how to be a good mom from you. I had a wonderful example. I'm not sure when it happened but there was a moment after Megan was born that I was thinking about how much I really love her. My next thought was, "Oh my gosh. This is how much my mom loves me." Right then I knew that I had to tell you 1) how sorry I am for not realizing it sooner and 2) thank you for loving me so much and doing all of those things that had to have been hard for you to do. But you did them because you loved me. I know I wasn't very fun to live with a lot of the time. I know it's not always going to be easy with Megan or our other kids. All I can ask for is that someday - hopefully before she's 29 - she will be able to answer any questions she has about the decisions I made with, "Because she loved me."



So now that I got all of that out, I also want you to know how proud I am to call you Megan's Grandma. I see and feel all of the love that you have for her and she is one lucky little girl.



I love you so much mom and I absolutely know that I haven't told you that enough. When we were in La Pine after Christmas, I just had the urge to hug you and tell you that I loved you. When I came back into the room I think I saw that you had tears. I realized then that you must not hear it nearly enough. So I will try to be better about it and not wait another 29 years. I hope you have a wonderful day. I love you.



Kristie

Megan is 8 Months Old TODAY!

We can't believe time is going so quickly. Megan is getting so big and before we know it, we'll be planning her first birthday party. This last month she has really started to move around. She crawls a little bit but mostly she scoots, rolls or pushes herself across the floor. We really need to think about baby proofing our house because she has already started to get into things that she shouldn't. She is no longer safe by herself! Just in the last few days she has gotten her first tooth. It has just broken through barely enough to feel it. She however has been feeling it for awhile and has been a grumpy pants. I feel so bad because there is little I can do to comfort her. Motrin and Tylenol have become good friends.

In the last month we've also been working on her being able to go to sleep by herself without being rocked or nursed to sleep. Some nights she goes down pretty easy and others she really tests our willpower to not go in there and soothe her. We've always known she has a good set of lungs but I think she thinks we forgot. She has got one loud scream!

She is really just the love of our lives and even through the grumpy times one smile from her brightens our day. Here are pictures from the last month.

Trip with Dad to the park



Karen's family made it down from Alaska for the summer and we all gathered at Grandma and Darlene's for dinner.


Cousins, Rylan and Megan. Rylan was really bummed over Christmas because they actually got to come down for it but he caught a bug right before they arrived and couldn't hold Megan. He made sure that wasn't going to happen on this trip!


Lesly's birthday party at the Forest Grove pool.


Lesly took Megan to Show & Tell in her kindergarten class. She was so proud of her 'little baby cousin Megan'!


Hamming it up at mom's group.



We went on a garden tour today and got to visit 8 gardens in the Tigard-Tualatin area. It was a lot of fun and gave us a lot of ideas for our own yard. Aunt Terri's house was one that everyone got to tour. I think hers was the very best!

Megan got to meet her very first horse "Sweetie" at one of the homes.

Megan is definitely a water baby. We've lowered the temperature in the hot tub so that she can be in it. She loves floating around and kicking her legs. I just can't get enough of her cute little bathing suit either!

A few weeks ago we went to the zoo with Aunt Kathy, Lesly and River. It was Megan's first trip. This picture isn't perfect but you can see a HUGE polar bear right in front of the window. Megan probably just thought it was a big dog. She also liked to see the fish swimming in the sea lion tank.